http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/amazing-coincidence-behind-todd-starnes-latest-christian-victimization-column
There are hundreds of thousands of people, worldwide, who are being oppressed and persecuted. Some for their religious belief. Most, though, because they are gay, or female, or of a minority ethnicity, or because they express a political outlook the state has deemed dangerous.
But there is no systemic or cultural persecution of Christians in this country. None. It exists only in fevered little minds with no logical basis for their own prejudices. So they just make shit up, and even enlist their children in the deception.
No less than four of the folks on my FB feed, good and well-meaning people all, posted this "incident" as the Gospel truth, all citing it as "proof" of "Christian persecution". The comments following were the standard self-reverential garbage, right down to the gratuitous Tebow reference: "Would Tim Tebow be the target of criticism if he were Jewish? Muslim? Or even atheist?"
First of all, yes, he would. But not because he was Jewish or Muslim or atheist. Hell, most people don't criticize Tim Tebow because of his Christianity. They criticize Tim Tebow because Tim Tebow thinks he's a first-string NFL quarterback, even though it's pretty obvious to anyone who pays attention that he's not, primarily because he has a wind-up instead of a release, and he's shown no real willingness or ability to change that fact.
Second, although I don't criticize anyone's end-zone celebration chops, many do. They decry the "showboating". They hate the spikes, and the goalpost dunks, and the increasingly choreographed touchdown dances. But they get strangely defensive when anyone criticizes Tebow's "altar stance", even though the implication, that somehow a divine being has favored young Tim over his opponents and given him this touchdown dispensation, is pretty damn offensive, as well as wholly and decidedly non-scriptural. Criticizing THAT, though, is seen as evidence of some social jihad.
Third, being made fun of is not "persecution" or "oppression". Again, Christians in this country are not oppressed, or persecuted, not even close. They are not having their "rights taken away from them", or being marginalized, in any sense.
But spiritual butt-hurt runs deep. They imagine any slight, however innocuous, as the equivalent of being fed to the lions. Their collective martyr complex leads them to do out-and-out stupid shit, like make up stories about "prayer being taken out of the schools" (it is not disallowed in any public school, including the one cited in this article), and even show a willingness to exploit their children in their deception, as the fuckwits in this article have done.
In a world where Malala Yousafzai is shot in the face for advocating the education of women in her country, you rabid Bible Thumpers think you could calm the fuck down for a few minutes, and maybe find a more worthy rally flag than Tim Tebow's rag-ass arm?
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Thursday, January 02, 2014
Warning Signs-How Her Record Collection Can Predict Your Immediate Future
Look...you're not going to get the full picture by parsing her profile on EFornicate, or even a quick afternoon meet-up at Java Pimps. Your buddy's wife, the one who set the two of you up? All she really knows is that Tracy or Jennifer or Heather works in her department, is about a year out of a long-term relationship, and wouldn't it just be perfect if the two of you got together? She seems so nice.
Well...hell..they all seem nice. I'm sure Squeaky Fromme was a delightful conversationalist, and could keep you sweetly entranced, before stabbing you in the neck with a salad fork. Elizabeth Bathory, I'm betting, was an enchanting host, as long as one overlooked her quirky little mentoring techniques. Bloody Mary? She was a hoot...until you made an off-handed Pope joke, and found yourself dipped in oil, tied to a stake, and flame-broiled to a crispy finish.
At best, you don't want to spend your loot on a date you know you aren't going to enjoy. At worst, you don't want to end up with a full-bore Hell queen who plans on ending the evening by wearing your skin like a scuba suit and chewing on your spleen.
Lucky for you, there is a time-tested method for getting to the bottom of things, quickly, and without asking her to take a personality profile assessment, which cost an assload of money, and are easy to beat, anyway. Simply check out the music collection. All the information you need is there.
Make the date, make plans to pick her up at seven. Get there at 6:57, just enough so it doesn't seem too early, but early enough that she'll still be putting finishing touches on her kabucki mating face.
Slink over to the music collection. Check out the female artists. Take it in. These are the artists she identifies with, the ones she models her attitudes after. See which artist appears the most in her personal library, and refer to this handy guide. Then you can accurately prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the next few hours.
************************************************************************************************************************************
Amy Winehouse-There is a good chance you will wake up in the morning, alone, pants-less, and in a dumpster, with a rose behind your ear and a confused smile on your face.
Adele-Wondering why she's so reserved at dinner? Well, she just decided what dress she's going to wear when the two of you get married, made a "honey do" list for you to complete when you get your dream home in the suburbs (you know, the one with the deck and the two-car garage), chosen names for your three children (two boys and one girl), and is now trying to decide what song she'll boo-hoo along with at your funeral.
Celine Dion-Same as Adele, except she already knows the funeral song.
Sarah McClachlan-You may have George Clooney's looks, Albert Einstein's brain, and Bill Gate's wallet...you'll still never measure up to her Papillon, Mr. Pistachio Fluffikins.
Taylor Swift-Nice girl, seems normal. What's going on behind that sweet smile? "He is perfect, I never want this night to end, I have found my soulma...OMIGOD DID HE JUST LOOK AT THAT OTHER GIRL WHILE I WAS THINKING ABOUT HIM HE DID THAT GODAWFUL PIG I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HOPE HE DIES I REALLY REALLY DO!!"
Madonna-Hope you like dancing with a bottle-blonde cougar in a leather bustier, a glow-stick crucifix, and a Batgirl mask, high stepping in her stiletto heels while continuously and loudly suggesting to onlookers that they should "Take a pitcha, it'll fuckin' last longa"
Bjork-You won't understand a word she says, but you will be endlessly amused.
Hole-You won't understand a word she says, but you will be endlessly dodging vomit.
Chrissy Hynde-"Dinner and bowling? Sounds great. Let's go."
Jefferson Airplane-Sweet girl, bit of a freak, might have a good time if you can stomach the patchouli.
Lady GaGa-Will spend the entire evening dressed in a burlap sack with purple boa, staring at you through bright green safety goggles, trying to convince you that repressed homosexual urges are perfectly natural, and even a little hot.
Lita Ford-If you can look past the way she's going to enter the restaurant by throwing up a two-fisted "devil's horns" salute and shrieking "HELLOOO, APPLEBEES...are you ready to RAWK", you might actually have a good time.
Indigo Girls-It's going to be a short and awkward night.
No Doubt-Unless you have some weird squirrel / helium fetish, you might want to sneak out of the bathroom window in whatever stinky vegan cafeteria she convinces you to "check out".
Sinead O'Conner-"How can you enjoy a date when the world is in such piss-miserable shape?"
Pink-She's really goddamn annoying, but you can't help but be impressed with the way she cold-cocked the bouncer.
Alanis Morisette-A movie, back row? You're golden.
Heart-The night will end innocently, with her strumming her acoustic guitar and composing a song about how your eyes are as dark as the midnight sky. Also, as a practical matter, consider a buffet.
Stevie Nicks-Don't ask questions. Just run away. Now.
Joan Jett-The perfect date. The two of you are going to end up checking out other women over beer and wings at Hooters. Enjoy.
Well...hell..they all seem nice. I'm sure Squeaky Fromme was a delightful conversationalist, and could keep you sweetly entranced, before stabbing you in the neck with a salad fork. Elizabeth Bathory, I'm betting, was an enchanting host, as long as one overlooked her quirky little mentoring techniques. Bloody Mary? She was a hoot...until you made an off-handed Pope joke, and found yourself dipped in oil, tied to a stake, and flame-broiled to a crispy finish.
At best, you don't want to spend your loot on a date you know you aren't going to enjoy. At worst, you don't want to end up with a full-bore Hell queen who plans on ending the evening by wearing your skin like a scuba suit and chewing on your spleen.
Lucky for you, there is a time-tested method for getting to the bottom of things, quickly, and without asking her to take a personality profile assessment, which cost an assload of money, and are easy to beat, anyway. Simply check out the music collection. All the information you need is there.
Make the date, make plans to pick her up at seven. Get there at 6:57, just enough so it doesn't seem too early, but early enough that she'll still be putting finishing touches on her kabucki mating face.
Slink over to the music collection. Check out the female artists. Take it in. These are the artists she identifies with, the ones she models her attitudes after. See which artist appears the most in her personal library, and refer to this handy guide. Then you can accurately prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the next few hours.
************************************************************************************************************************************
Amy Winehouse-There is a good chance you will wake up in the morning, alone, pants-less, and in a dumpster, with a rose behind your ear and a confused smile on your face.
Adele-Wondering why she's so reserved at dinner? Well, she just decided what dress she's going to wear when the two of you get married, made a "honey do" list for you to complete when you get your dream home in the suburbs (you know, the one with the deck and the two-car garage), chosen names for your three children (two boys and one girl), and is now trying to decide what song she'll boo-hoo along with at your funeral.
Celine Dion-Same as Adele, except she already knows the funeral song.
Sarah McClachlan-You may have George Clooney's looks, Albert Einstein's brain, and Bill Gate's wallet...you'll still never measure up to her Papillon, Mr. Pistachio Fluffikins.
Taylor Swift-Nice girl, seems normal. What's going on behind that sweet smile? "He is perfect, I never want this night to end, I have found my soulma...OMIGOD DID HE JUST LOOK AT THAT OTHER GIRL WHILE I WAS THINKING ABOUT HIM HE DID THAT GODAWFUL PIG I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HOPE HE DIES I REALLY REALLY DO!!"
Madonna-Hope you like dancing with a bottle-blonde cougar in a leather bustier, a glow-stick crucifix, and a Batgirl mask, high stepping in her stiletto heels while continuously and loudly suggesting to onlookers that they should "Take a pitcha, it'll fuckin' last longa"
Bjork-You won't understand a word she says, but you will be endlessly amused.
Hole-You won't understand a word she says, but you will be endlessly dodging vomit.
Chrissy Hynde-"Dinner and bowling? Sounds great. Let's go."
Jefferson Airplane-Sweet girl, bit of a freak, might have a good time if you can stomach the patchouli.
Lady GaGa-Will spend the entire evening dressed in a burlap sack with purple boa, staring at you through bright green safety goggles, trying to convince you that repressed homosexual urges are perfectly natural, and even a little hot.
Lita Ford-If you can look past the way she's going to enter the restaurant by throwing up a two-fisted "devil's horns" salute and shrieking "HELLOOO, APPLEBEES...are you ready to RAWK", you might actually have a good time.
Indigo Girls-It's going to be a short and awkward night.
No Doubt-Unless you have some weird squirrel / helium fetish, you might want to sneak out of the bathroom window in whatever stinky vegan cafeteria she convinces you to "check out".
Sinead O'Conner-"How can you enjoy a date when the world is in such piss-miserable shape?"
Pink-She's really goddamn annoying, but you can't help but be impressed with the way she cold-cocked the bouncer.
Alanis Morisette-A movie, back row? You're golden.
Heart-The night will end innocently, with her strumming her acoustic guitar and composing a song about how your eyes are as dark as the midnight sky. Also, as a practical matter, consider a buffet.
Stevie Nicks-Don't ask questions. Just run away. Now.
Joan Jett-The perfect date. The two of you are going to end up checking out other women over beer and wings at Hooters. Enjoy.
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